7 Ways to Deal with Loss as a Couple
Lately, you can’t escape the news and the rising death toll we as a nation are facing as a result of COVID-19. Whether it's COVID or another devastating cause, grieving and dealing with loss is difficult enough as a person, let alone as a couple. Of all of the issues that impact couples and spouses, loss is one that seems to have a serious effect. Grieving and dealing with loss is difficult enough as a person, let alone as a couple. Fortunately, if you are willing to put in a little work, there are some ways that you can make sure that you get through it, together, and stronger than ever before.
Every Loss Is Different
Before we get into the best ways to cope, it’s important to acknowledge that every single loss is different. Losing a parent or grandparent as an adult, for example, is going to be different than losing a child or a sibling. The most unexpected losses are generally the most impactful.
Of course, are we just talking about death here? Maybe not entirely-- there are some situations in life, such as a job loss after a long history with the company, that could be equally as grief-inducing as the death of a loved one. Nonetheless, if you’re trying to deal with a loss, here are some tips to help.
● Communicate: There is nothing more important than communication in a relationship. Now, more than ever, that remains true. Talk to each other about how you’re feeling, what you’re struggling with, and if there’s anything the other can do to help. This is, by far, the most valuable tool-- open, honest communication.
● Acknowledge the Struggle: Too often, we’re encouraged to “hide” the difficult days, or to pretend like we’re doing okay even if we aren’t. People want to tell you to look at the bright side-- sometimes there just isn’t one. Allow yourselves to acknowledge that and be okay with having hard days.
● Everyone Grieves Differently: You are not going to go through this experience in the same way as your partner, or anyone else for that matter. Understand this and be willing to let your partner (and yourself) grieve however you need.
● Be Proactive: If you know a special occasion, date, or some other situation is coming up, take the time to come up with a plan that will help you get through. Instead of avoiding it until the event, think of ways you can cope and how you can help each other, and have an exit strategy in case it gets too difficult and you need to leave.
● Take “Breaks”: Grieving is a heavy process, no matter the loss you’re facing. Take planned breaks from your grief when you can. Schedule a fun date, have a PJ day with your favorite movies, or set aside other dedicated time that you can spend focusing on yourselves or your lives.
● Support Each Other: You are both struggling and doing so in your own ways. In addition to communicating, make sure that you are offering the help that your partner needs. This includes when you’re alone as well as when you’re out and about, at an event, or anywhere else.
● Give Each Other Space: While this is definitely a “team effort” of sorts, you’re also going to need your own time and space as individuals to grieve, process, and sort through whatever you’re struggling with. Allow for this, and perhaps even plan for this when you can. Most importantly, don’t take it personally when your partner needs space.
Loss is never easy, whether it’s a job, a pet, or something more serious like the loss of a loved one or a child. Nonetheless, you can get through it as a couple if you are willing to put in the work. Just like the rest of your relationship, it’s all about working together and communicating to support each other through the tough times.
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